this is my single greatest post EVER /sarcasm

Today I happened across a website that provides random writing prompts. So I’ll be using some of those to write today’s blog.

"If you could be someone else, who would you be?  Why?"

I’d be Neil Patrick Harris. That man makes being gay cool. Plus he’s hot. I want to be hot. Being hot is awesome. And he can sing. I wish I could sing like that man. Seriously, he’s hilarious too. Oh, and he has babies. Babies are awesome (and delicious).

"If I were a superhero, I would be..."

I’d be the Naked Shadow, spreading my own brand of naked justice across the city, and beating up nuns every chance I get.

"You have just been paroled from prison.  Tell what happens next."

I become the Naked Shadow. Duh.

"If I were President of the USA I would..."

Gay marriage.  I’d push for it to be legalized. In fact, equal rights for everyone. I’d also press hard for a drug policy similar to Portugal. At the very least I’d get marijuana legalized and have it regulated like alcohol.

Oh and I’d find a way to make Tom Cruise illegal.

"A flying saucer has been sighted over your town. You have never believed in flying saucers, but then you see it for yourself and...What happens next?"

I pull out my bazooka and blow that shit up. The aliens beam out at the last second and ask me WTF my problem is. I tell them I was bored and ask if they wanna get a drink. They say yeah, and the next morning we all wake up naked in a hotel room in Amsterdam with three midgets and an assortment of cup cakes.

“Undefined”

Just like your mother’s uterus.

"My grandmother is special because..."

Her hair comes off in a strong breeze.

"You awake from a nap only to discover you are 80 years old.  Describe what happens next."

Wonder how the fuck I got younger.

"She seemed like such a sweet old lady. Who would ever believe that she was really . . ."

A man. Though that would explain why that bitch was so hurt when I cunt-punted her.

"Would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000?  Explain why or why not?"

Probably. Cook them and I’d do it for free. It’s a staple of millions (if not billions) of people’s diets. There has to be something to it.

“Write about a time you did something that made you feel good, and why it made you feel that way.”

… I’m not sure I wanna write about that stuff on this blog… I have family members who read this.

"You are the last surviving member of the human race.  What do you do?"

Masturbate. A LOT.

Okay, I’m done with that. I know, it’s a weak post. Suck it up girls. Here’s a comic. It’s shittier than normal, but I’m still learning how to use this thing.