here's a story I wrote. I hope you all enjoy it because I've been writing it since yesterday. (yes that's why I didn't post yesterday. suck it up)
Mike sat on a bench, reading a book and drinking a Slurpee. It was dark out now, but the street lamp left him with enough light to continue reading. He set his drink down to turn the page, and as he did so a couple of thugs walked up.
“Hey queer, what you reading?” one thug asked.
“The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” Mike replied without even looking up.
“Sounds like a fag book” the second hood said.
“Where are your heels and dress fag?” The first piped in.
Mike shrugged without saying a word, and kept reading. Then he lifted up his Slurpee and took a drink.
“Oh well now we KNOW he’s queer. Only a fag would drink that shit.” Said thug number two
“Yeah man, those things fucking suck.” The first thug practically spat that last word out at Mike. He stood up and looked the thug right in the eye.
“Listen here asshole, you can make fun of my sexual orientation, my taste in books, and even the fact that I walk surprisingly well in heels. But NEVER mock Slurpees.
“What you gonna do about it, faggot?” the second thug asked
“Just don’t do it again.” And with that Mike went back to his book and drink.
The first thug bent over and got right in Mike’s face
“Slurpees are fucking gross.”
Some time later, Mike was in court.
“We can now hear closing arguments from the defense.” The judge said.
Jeff was fresh out of law school when he was contacted by Mike. They hadn’t seen each other in years, but it sounded like Mike needed help. Now he had his first case ever, and he couldn’t help but feel he was in way over his head. So far it looked like his friend was going to jail for a very long time. Still, he had one last idea, and he hoped it would at least get the sentence reduced.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. You know exactly what happened. Both parties have told you the exact same story. My client, no… my friend, Mike admits to killing one person and leaving another paralyzed from the waist down. We’re not asking you to determine whether or not that happened. What we need from the 12 of you is a ruling on whether or not this crime was justified.”
Jeff took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe what he was about to say.
“The victim admits that he and his deceased friend verbally assaulted my client, but more importantly, they mocked the infinite glory that is the Slurpee. I’ve had a Slurpee machine with an assortment of flavors placed in the jury room. I implore you to try one, so you know exactly how my client felt, before you make your decision.”
The judge sent the jury to deliberate, and Jeff sat back down, knowing his friend was doomed. He looked over at Mike, who was absent mindedly doodling in a notebook during the entire proceedings. Jeff couldn’t understand how he could be so relaxed, when he was obviously going to spend the rest of his life in prison.
After only 10 minutes, the jury came back into the court room. Jeff braced himself for the inevitable ruling. That’s when the unbelievable happened. The foreman stood up and read what they’d decided.
“after some brief discussion, and trying the Slurpees, we find the defendant to be not guilty”
Jeff couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He turned to look at the expression on his clients face. Mike had a slightly disgruntled look on his face.
“Does this looks like a urinal to you?” he asked. And he held up a doodle for Jeff to look at.
“Mike, you just got off! Aren’t you excited?!”
“Eh… I knew I’d get off.” Mike set down his drawing.
“How could you possibly have known that? You admitted to killing one guy and paralyzing another! You should be in jail right now!”
“Jeff… have you ever actually had a Slurpee?” and with that, Mike walked out and headed straight to the nearest 7-11.
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