it's back, bitches.

And so it began (for a third time)

As the world descended into darkness, a light came forth. And it was good.

And the people looked upon this light and asked “what is this beacon of hope?”

And the light replied, “you know me. All of you do. I have died, and come back. I left you, but I return to spread hope and love.”

The crowd was silent, save for a single small child that spoke up.

“Are you Jesus?”

“what? No. are you ridiculous? I’m fucking Divide by Zero.”

Okay, serious note, I feel I owe an explanation as to why I haven’t posted in six months. There are a number of reasons why and I’m a fan of lists. soooooo… LIST TIME!!!!

1.      I’m a lazy bastard. I know, that’s a bad reason, but it’s a reason nonetheless. Of course, it’s also one of the least important reasons, but I feel like I should own up to it.

2.      My life has been kind of boring. Well… okay that’s only partly true. My life has been filled with a lot of exciting and dramatic things, but either they weren’t funny, or they were very private (for other people. I’m happy to blog about my “private” things.

3.      I’ve been very sad. The extent of my employment was working for my mom at a dog grooming salon. You would have been sad too. Now here’s the thing, sad Michael is very funny, but not in a way that really goes with this blog at all. But now I’m employed at a job that I actually love, so I’m happy ^_^

4.      I had no real inspiration. Most of my days consisted of staying at home alone, with naught but the company of my cats. Seeing as my cats already filled my facebook and reddit posts, I felt that they should be a minimal presence on D over Z. As I had no other real inspiration besides things I shouldn’t share with the world, I had to start resorting to my back-up blog posts, and I ran out of those pretty quickly. But now I have a job that requires me to work with the public (well, public adjacent), so inspiration is bountiful.

5.      I’ve had a distinct lack of alcohol whenever I’ve had access to something I can write on/with. My writing abilities are almost directly related to the amount of alcohol in my system. the general relationship is that the amount of alcohol related in my willingness to post what I write is rather direct, until (that is) I hit a average of 9/10 (with 10 being black out drunk) at which point my hands decide that they don’t have to listen to my brain, and they start typing whatever the hell they want. Of course, usually when I have booze, I’m out and about, and don’t have anything to record my thoughts with. But now I have a job, so I can buy alcohol and can be drunk enough to write AAAAAALLLLLLLLL the time.

And so here it goes again. I’m making no promises this time. I’ll try to update regularly, but there may be weeks I go without. Regardless of those weeks though, I’ll try my best to not let it die again.

And because I know some of you have absolutely no patience at all for the shit I write, here’s a comic.