Alright everyone, this is my new year’s resolution. I will be doing no less than one blog post a week. And I fully expect everyone to hold me to it. If I go without posting something at least once during a Sunday to Saturday period (unless I post something about extenuating circumstances) I fully expect everyone here to spam my inbox with anything you want. My email is (redacted)
Now to make up for my absence, I will share this with you.
I had a revelation the other day. If you want to hate something more than anything else in the world, make it your alarm to wake up. Seriously, it works. As long as your primary experience with whatever it is that you want to hate is when you wake up, you WILL despise it. I had this realization the other day when I was watching TV. My alarm is on my iPod, and the best sound I've found for waking myself up is the "evacuation alert" noise. You know, that noise they use in movies after the bad guy base has been set to self destruct. Well on this day, I had the TV on in the background while I was cooking, and whatever show was on played that noise, and I actually started getting mad. By the time they stopped the noise, I was in as foul a mood as I've ever been. And it permeated my mood for about twenty minutes.
At first I couldn't figure out why I was mad, but then it hit me. It was the alert noise. I used to not mind that sound, but now I completely and totally hated it. This noise, that I usually only heard for a few seconds a day had become the bane of my existence. I was blown away by this realization.
Upon further reflection, I realized this was the same for EVERY noise that I have ever used regularly as an alarm for waking up. From that standard electronic buzz-like noise for many digital alarm clocks (which I haven't used in about a year) to the shrill bells of an analog alarm clock (which I haven't used in almost 8 years).
These noises all have the ability to simultaneously make me cringe AND infuriate me. They can take my from being totally happy go lucky, to wanting to dick punch Mr. Rogers (overly happy Fucker). I know it's completely irrational, but unless I catch myself, it's out of my control.
I'm sure it's some kind of Pavlovian effect, and if I were a morning person it likely wouldn't be as bad as it is now. But as of right now, every time I hear that evacuation noise (or any of the other noises I mentioned) I want to start blowing shit up.
At first I couldn't figure out why I was mad, but then it hit me. It was the alert noise. I used to not mind that sound, but now I completely and totally hated it. This noise, that I usually only heard for a few seconds a day had become the bane of my existence. I was blown away by this realization.
Upon further reflection, I realized this was the same for EVERY noise that I have ever used regularly as an alarm for waking up. From that standard electronic buzz-like noise for many digital alarm clocks (which I haven't used in about a year) to the shrill bells of an analog alarm clock (which I haven't used in almost 8 years).
These noises all have the ability to simultaneously make me cringe AND infuriate me. They can take my from being totally happy go lucky, to wanting to dick punch Mr. Rogers (overly happy Fucker). I know it's completely irrational, but unless I catch myself, it's out of my control.
I'm sure it's some kind of Pavlovian effect, and if I were a morning person it likely wouldn't be as bad as it is now. But as of right now, every time I hear that evacuation noise (or any of the other noises I mentioned) I want to start blowing shit up.
So this is a safety note to you all. Should you ever purposely try to annoy me with one of these noises, I swear to FSM that I will make you regret it. This will likely include the use of a koala, and your rectum.
So yeah… I’m sorry it’s been so long. And if I ever start to fail at life like that again, just spam my email until I post again.
And now for a comic. CTVF
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