So here is the story of my day. Thought you guys could appreciate it.
I leave my house to go to the store, and I see someone else walking down my road. No big deal, it happens from time to time. Then I see him stop at the end of our lane, and I just assume he’s waiting for someone to pick him up. So then I walked the 10th of a mile uphill to the bus stop. I see the bus coming down the road, and then I see the something that pisses me off.
That guy I saw earlier waves down the bus, and gets on. So a minute later, the bus gets to where I am (the actual stop) and I get on the bus. Now I didn’t want to let this bug me too much. Sure I consider that to be an immensely lazy move, and this guy had long hair (which always makes me rage a bit), but it’s a small thing, and it didn’t really hurt/hinder anyone.
So I ride the bus along and get off by Albertsons. I go in, grab some cat food and bread, and head to the checkout line. As I’m walking there, some lady see me going for the express lane (which happened to be the shortest line) and she literally breaks into a sprint and runs to get there before me. ‘Okay, no big deal’ I thought to myself, until I saw just how much shit she had in her cart. This was the 15 items or less lane, and this women had a cart STUFFED with shit. If she had a few items more than the limit, I wouldn’t have cared, but there was no way I was letting this bitch get in front of me.
I grabbed her by the shirt and told her to get her ass to the proper line. Then this skank pulls a fucking knife on me. I jump back as she tries to slash it at my face. I kick the knife out of her hand and she tries to take a swing at me. I block the strike, and counter it with a punch to her right boob. Well apparently her tits were her weak spots because she exploded into a burst of confetti and candy.
Okay, I made that up. In reality I tapped her on the shoulder and reminded her that this was the express lane for 15 items or less. Of course then she said something that made me wish the above was true. She said “I don’t care, I’m in a hurry.” And she turned her back on me. Fortunately at this point the clerk saw how much she had and told her that she needed to get in another lane.
Now at this point another woman gets in line behind me. I guess she noticed me loading my cat food and bread onto the belt. So she tapped me on the shoulder and asked
“Oh dear, is all of that for you?”
To which I replied
“Yes. Have you ever had a dry cat food sandwich? They’re delicious!”
Okay, that was a lie… what I really said was
“Umm… no… the bread is for toast, and the cat food is for my cats”
The woman said okay, and that was the end of that. I went to the bus stop, where I was going to wait for the next 25 minutes.
While I’m standing there, this rather adorable looking guy comes up to me. it’s obvious that he was a shy guy, and just talking to me seemed to be taking all of the courage he’d saved up for the last several years. We exchange some niceties, and it was obvious he was gay. Then the fun part started he asked me
“Umm… so… umm… are you gay?”
“Haha, you’re a bit forward. What if I said I was straight?” of course I meant this as a joke, but I quickly had to explain that I was in fact gay and he had nothing to worry about, as the look on his face was as though he had just asked a amputee about his stump. Instantly he relaxed again and asked me another question.
“Umm… so… uh… would you, maybe, want to go out some time?”
“I would love to, except I already have a boyfriend. But…”
I was then cut off by a barrage of apologies. This guy looked like he had just accidentally punched a baby. He said sorry over and over without letting me say another word. Then he quickly ran off seeming to forget that he had a bus to catch.
Yeah, I’m not making that up. He was waiting for the bus that came before mine. I feel even worse about this because had he waited just a second, I would have told him that I would love to be friends. But alas, I fear I embarrassed that poor kid, and possibly scared him out of ever asking anyone out again.
So, I get on my bus when it gets there, and who should be on the bus, but the guy from the beginning. Now, despite being filled with the urge to kick him in the chest and give him a haircut, I calmly sat down. We got to my stop, and I got off. Then as the bus pulls away, I see it stop at the bottom of the hill. That jackoff was too fucking lazy to walk DOWN HILL. I was pissed, so I did what anyone in my position would do. Using the powers I had gained during an accident that occurred while experimenting with Flaming Hot Cheetos and Mountain Dew, I flipped that douche off and sent a blast of energy down the hill that destroyed his hair, and gave him a permanently limp dick.
Okay that didn’t happen. But I REALLY wish it had. Seriously, I know I promised not to abuse my powers like that, but I hate to see people who are that fucking lazy. I might not be the most active person, but come on… a 10th of a mile down hill?
I guess there wasn’t much of a point to this post, other than to express exactly what goes through my head during the day. Oh, and I really feel bad for that poor guy who tried flirting with me, he seemed legitimately nice… well here’s something that might actually amuse you. A comic!!! CTVF
No comments:
Post a Comment